lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
