How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
