is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
