just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
