dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize