Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
