I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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