At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
