She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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