Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Green mimosas i think yes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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