see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
