Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
