..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize