You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
not ubering you a puppy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
