he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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