I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
