did you get engaged???
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
