I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
