Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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