it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
