Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
