If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Enjoy the penises
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
