Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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