I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
