oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
