what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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