I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
