Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
