I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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