Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
