update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
