She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize