Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize