Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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