He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
