gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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