Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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