The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
