I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
