haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
