dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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