Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
