I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
