Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
