Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
