When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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