Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
