omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
