you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
