***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
