So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
