Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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