these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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