Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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