I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
