apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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