I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
