rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
