when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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