And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
