I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
