Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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