yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Let's get the cat blown out
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
