had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
