Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize