i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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