I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
