I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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