EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
