I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
