we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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