You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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