you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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