is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
