i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
