if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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